She was a child. She’s going to be irresponsible, reckless, and stupid. She didn’t understand the consequences of her actions. Think of the stupid sh*t you did at 15! I say this not to excuse her behavior, but to put it into perspective.

The onus is on the adult. It absolutely is our responsibility as adults to make sure we are not having sex with a child just as much as it is our responsibility to make sure we are not spreading a sexually transmitted disease. It is not at all unreasonable to ask for ID if you truly can’t be certain after one conversation with a teenager.

With this context I don’t believe you’re a predator, but you are not blameless. And I appreciate you posting this story because I think it is a seriously important topic to discuss.

However, I’m not buying this “deceitful seductress” trope at all. Especially when it’s about a 15 year old who had barely tapped into her sexual power and had only received societal messages that her value lies in her sex appeal.

Children are not adults. Even if she appeared to look like an adult, I’m not understanding how you could speak to her let alone spend so much time with her and not know that she’s clearly not one.

It was a mistake you made at 23. It doesn’t make you a bad person IF you learned from it. If I come across as apathetic or harsh, I don’t mean to. I understand you felt deceived. What she did wasn’t cool at all.

But it is so important to call out this issue because it is seriously harmful to place the blame on a young child’s appearance for your oversight. There was an unbalanced power dynamic.

I would say the exact same thing if the genders were flipped. It’s not right no matter who.

Freelance Writer. Blogger. Poet. I write about trauma, recovery, and feminist analysis of media and culture. Contact Me:

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