I totally get it. Everyone has their issues with hormones and attraction. But there's no excuse for anyone to not be able to control themselves, even in the lap dance example you give. The woman needs to ask the man for consent to dance nude on him, as he should ask for consent to go further. .
And if they can't control themselves, the responsibility should be placed on that person. Not the woman for being attractive, or wearing a short skirt, or drinking. Unfortunately these factors might make them more likely to be assualted. But the problem is when we say things like "of course that happened to you, you went to a frat party."
The responsibility should be on the perpetrator. Always. Because giving in to your urges is a choice. Consent and self control are not difficult when you respect the autonomy of other people. And If we act as if sexual urges are so difficult for men to overcome, we are infantilising them in a way.