A Survivors Thoughts on Pursuing Justice

TW: Rape, sexual violence, abuse, sexism

Alexandria Roswick

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Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

I know the right thing to do is to pursue justice. But all my life, what I’ve known to be true is that moving on requires a lot of space, time, and personal growth. Pursuing justice will stunt this. Pursuing justice will take up all the space in my mind. That’s space I could be using to grow. The process will delay my healing by re-traumatizing me with each thought. The process itself is a reminder of what he did to me. The more I’m forced to defend, the further I’ll drift away from peace.

I will no longer be in control of the narrative. My story, my truth, is the only truth there is at the moment. Pursuing justice will enable my truth to be twisted. My story will be exploited and used against me. It will no longer be the only truth. I will have to hear his version. His calculated victimization. His avoidance of responsibility. His denial. I know what happened, but his words will make me doubt myself. He and his lawyer will gaslight me until I don’t know what is real.

Fuck “likable”. I want to be bold. I want to speak out.

There are those out there who are actually going to believe him. Some already do. Some are right there in his corner, cheering on a rapist. I won’t have to think about their existence unless I choose to pursue…

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Alexandria Roswick

Top Writer in Feminism. Blogger for Say It Loud Space (UK). Trauma, relationships, and analysis of media and culture. https://linktr.ee/alexandriaroswick